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With the start of the four short-season leagues this week, now is truly the most wonderful time of the year. I would like to extend a hearty welcome to the Appalachian, Pioneer, Northwest and New York-Penn Leagues. Tell me what you've got going on, guys.

And apologies to all the worthy promos that I was forced to leave out this week. Picking just 10 is a thankless task, but I do my best. To teams who wish to appear -- bribery isn't just accepted, it's encouraged. That's the "Promotion Preview" motto.

Altoona Curve (Eastern League)
Land of Lincoln, June 18
The Curve's roster currently includes former first-round Draft pick Brad Lincoln, which provides the team with all the justification they need to stage a promo honoring former president Abraham Lincoln. Fans armed with a $5 bill (it's got Lincoln's picture on it, see?) can enjoy a wide variety of ticket, concessions and merchandise specials, and a Brad Lincoln autographed prize pack will be given away to one lucky game attendee. There will be plenty of opportunities to gain free admission to the ballpark as well -- so long as you're named Abraham or Lincoln, reside in Illinois or Gettysburg, Pa., or possess the ability to recite the Gettysburg Address in its entirety. That can't be too hard, right? It's only three paragraphs long.

Bowie Baysox (Eastern League)
Law and Order Night, June 18
Attention, Bowie-area burglars: On Thursday evening, the coast is going to be clear for an epic crime spree. That's because "the fuzz" is going to be at Bowie's Prince George's Stadium. Members of the Maryland District Attorney's office, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, two local police departments and the county sheriff's office will all be in attendance, resulting in the highest "authorities to civilians" ratio in Minor League history. Fans will be able to get an up-close look at police cars and motorcycles, watch bomb-sniffing dog demonstrations and tour the ATF's National Response Team truck. All of this activity will be presided over by -- who else? -- McGruff the Crime Dog. He is most law-abiding canine of all-time.

Charleston RiverDogs (South Atlantic League)
Here's to You, Mr. Competitive Adult Softball Player, June 18
Inspired by the "Here's To You..." Budweiser ad campaign, the RiverDogs have decided to dedicate an evening to those who take the sport of softball a wee bit too seriously. You know the type -- overzealous individuals who treat rec league scrimmages as if they were the seventh game of the World Series. Adult softball players will take the field with the RiverDogs players during Thursday's pregame introductions and later participate in a plethora of between-inning fun and games. The games include "Jack's Cosmic Dog Toss," (in which a 6-foot wiener is thrown into a 5-foot bun) and "There's A Crab in My Pants" (in which stuffed crabs are shot at a contestant wearing oversized fisherman's pants). This is serious stuff.

Rancho Cucamonga Quakes (California League)
Writer's Café, June 19
I have never envisioned Rancho Cucamonga as a literary mecca. In fact, I have never envisioned it as anything other than a place with a really awesome name. But literary mecca it must be, as on Saturday the club is staging a unique and well-planned "Writer's Café." For $15, fans can buy a ticket that includes admission to a pregame meet-and-greet with 16 area authors. Naturally, the roster is heavy on those who specialize in baseball writing, while crime and mystery authors are also well represented. The press release notes that "special appetizers" will be served at this event, which in my mind is always code for shrimp cocktail. So, maybe there will be shrimp.

Wilmington Blue Rocks (Carolina League)
Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes World Record Attempt, June 19
It's time for the "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" world record to come back to American soil --- where it belongs! The current mark of 1,217 was set by the Taiwan Tourism Bureau last year, but the Wilmington Blue Rocks plan to blow that number out of the water come Friday. Taking advantage of a robust Fireworks Friday crowd, the team hopes to have over 6,000 fans singing and dancing to the time-honored children's classic. Here's the catch, though -- in order for the record to be set, this needs to go on for five minutes. That's a lot of head, shoulder, knee and toe touching. Are you up for the task, Wilmingtonians? Do it for America!

Bowling Green Hot Rods (South Atlantic League)
Fans' Choice T-Shirt Night, June 20
The right to express one's opinion is a fundamental aspect of any healthy democracy, indisputably vital to the expansion and evolution of human consciousness. The Hot Rods, devoted as they are to the betterment of mankind, did their part by staging a Fans' Choice t-shirt contest. Hot Rods fans were asked to visit the team's Web site in order to choose from one of five designs, and the shirt that accumulated the most votes will be given away at Bowling Green Ballpark on Saturday. This array of a potential t-shirts was an impressive quintet, and it will be interesting to see which emerges victorious. I was partial to the one with dark yellow sleeves, due to the fact that it would effectively mask mustard stains.

Hudson Valley Renegades (New York-Penn League)
Benchwarmers Night, June 20
Last season, the New York Knicks' Stephon Marbury made headlines when he was essentially paid by the team not to play. The star hoopster's extended sit on the bench inspired the Renegades to stage "Benchwarmers Night." The first 1,500 fans to enter Dutchess Stadium on Saturday will receive a wooden seat cushion, and famous bench players will be honored throughout the ballgame (Johnny Bench will not be recognized, as contrary to his name he was an everyday player). Additionally, the Renegades will be offering a "Starbury" seat throughout the 2009 season. Located at field level, the lucky individual who sits in this seat receives a small mountain of concession items as well as a limited edition "I Rode the Pine at the Dutch" t-shirt.

Lakewood BlueClaws (South Atlantic League)
Hacksaw Jim Duggan Appearance, June 20
AND
Myrtle Beach Pelicans (Carolina League)
George "The Animal" Steele Appearance, June 20
I usually don't combine promos from different teams into one writeup, but two otherwise disparate beach towns hosting wrestling superstars in their ballparks on the same day doesn't happen very often. That day is Saturday, and the wrestling superstars in question are Hacksaw Jim Duggan and George "The Animal" Steele. The former is appearing in Lakewood, the latter in Myrtle Beach. This concludes my unnecessary summary of all the information that was contained in the above bold-faced text. I'll do better in the future, I promise.

Lowell Spinners (New York-Penn League)
Political Correctness Night, June 21
Political Incorrectness Night, June 22
Now an annual tradition in Lowell, "Political Correctness" and "Incorrectness" nights give the team a chance to lampoon the mores and moral codes of 21st American society. There is too much going on for to me to adequately summarize in this writeup, so what follows is a sampling of what's going on during Monday's "Politically Incorrectness Night" -- the concession stands will be staffed exclusively by females (ensuring that men will have their food served to them by women), gas cards will be awarded to those driving the least fuel-efficient vehicles, cots will be set up in the concourse so that elderly fans can take a nap and teams with insensitive nicknames will be saluted. I'll be doing a blog post on this, guaranteed.

Brooklyn Cyclones (New York-Penn League)
Baracklyn Cyclones Night, June 23
It seemed so far away when it was announced back in January, but one of the offseason's most heralded promotions has finally arrived. On Tuesday, in honor of our president, the Brooklyn Cyclones will become the "Baracklyn" Cyclones. The team will take the field in one-time only Baracklyn jerseys, and the first 2,500 fans in attendance will receive a much-coveted presidential bobblehead. The aforementioned innovations represent the "meat" of this promo. Now, here are a few of the trimmings: the first 1,000 fans receive Universal Health Care in the form of a free band-aid, American flags will be distributed at the game's conclusion and anyone named Barack, McCain or Palin receives free admission. Those named Biden will have to pay full price, apparently. Sorry, Joe.

Bonus Coverage: Because I provide the maximum amount of information that time and space will allow, here are some promotions that could have been included in last week's column. Could have been, but weren't.

Italian Heritage Night w/ Bocce Ball Exhibition (Lake County Captains, June 12): Completely coincidentally, haircuts were offered on the concourse.

Oven Mitt Giveaway (Clinton LumberKings, June 13): A house isn't a home until it has oven mitts. Heloise said that.

Cakeoff Challenge (Huntsville Stars, June 13): In which the Stars staged a contest in order to determine who among their fans can bake the best cake. Samples, they were available.

Dale Murphy Appearance (Mississippi Braves, June 15): Dale Murphy visiting a Braves affiliate is like Leonard Nimoy making an appearance at a "Star Trek" convention. Pandemonium ensues.

Mormon Night (San Antonio Missions, June 15): Prominent Mormon/former second baseman Jeff Kent threw out the first pitch, and a green jello-eating contest was part of the evening's between-inning festivities (because Mormons like Jello, apparently).

Glass Half-Empty Night/Glass Half-Full Night (Myrtle Beach Pelicans, June 15-16): "Half-Empty Night" was an abysmal failure, while "Half-Full Night" was a roaring success.

Nickelback Night (Stockton Ports, June 16): In honor of the popular rock group, all fans received a nickel back as they passed through the turnstiles. In a just world, they also would have received ear plugs.

Benjamin Hill is a contributor to MLB.com. This story was not subject to the approval of the National Association of Professional Baseball Leagues or its clubs.

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